where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
