Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
