Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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