Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
