Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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