My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
