soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
