Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
