its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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