Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
