i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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