hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
