He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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