Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
