You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
