Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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