Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
