dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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