did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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