Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
