Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
