U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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