Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
