I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
