Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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