Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize