8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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