I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
