He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
