You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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