i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
