i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
