Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
