Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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