I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
