I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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