ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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