He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
