I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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