I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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