making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
