the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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