the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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