It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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