I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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