Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
