Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We had sex on a dog bed..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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