you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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