if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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