I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
