I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
