if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
false alarm. still invincible.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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