the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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