I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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