I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
