Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
pray to the hookup gods
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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