I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
