i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
