Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
