I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
