I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
