Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
