$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My balls are so social today.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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