Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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