I got chris browned last night
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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