just survived the first fart of the relationship.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
