I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
