I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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