My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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