Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
