Welp...herpes.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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