Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
