Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
