Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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