porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
