I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
