oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
