I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
