you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
