Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize