theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
