You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
