Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
