Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You smell like stripper and shame
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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