K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
