What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
