Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
