So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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