You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
