get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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