Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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